Love is?
by LovelessDuchess
Summary: I knew I should have kept this to myself, never speaking a word to him about it.


**Title: Love is?**

**Rated: Teen**

**Character: Axel/female Roxas**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Kingdom hearts.**

**Told in Roxas p.o.v**

Maybe my mind over think everything and anything about what we were, or maybe the location of Hanyer 'don't ask don't tell' party brought this on.

The last month of summer was really heating up, the humidity was on the raise with every passing hour. Even our ice cream melted right off the sticks before we could really enjoy it. Weather like this works on your mind to the point you stop thinking. Which is why I'm nearly passing out at the clock tower.

"How much did you let her drink? Sweety, can you hear me?" I heard my best friend, Kairi's voice but all I could see was a reddish pink blur.

"Oh she looks really bad. How could you let her do this, Hanyer? Girls deal with heartbreak differently then you. Roxas, can you hear us?" My other best friend look like an orange glow stick right now as another one of my friend spoke.

"You can't drink him away, Roxas. He might live at the bottom of a bottle but that doesn't mean you have to join him." Namine was recently allow back being my friend after she drew someone I sort of like attention toward herself.

"Don't go hating on me cuz I let her blow off some stream here. All you three did was take her shopping, hang out at the beach, or let her draw her feeling away. Crap like that doesn't fix anything. By tomorrow either she hate herself more or get over him." Hanyer made a point I just need to have some fun.

Fun.. at the some place where we met at. Where for some crazy reason I didn't wear anything under that checker sundress. He let me believe after that night we would have been together forever. But I was young and stupid for believing a guy who went by a nickname instead of telling me his real name.

I know sex isn't love. Love is an emotion you feel, sex is an action. So I know we were never in love but just lust.

All my friend tried their best to keep my attention on other things but when they take away those things.. I fell back on that old habit.

"Come on guys, stop being such downer. I'm just drunk nooooo big deal." I said spinning around in a circle.

"Until you get caught again." And Olette just hit me with a huge downer.

"Plus you can not stay at my house like this again. My mom already believe I'll be knocked up before high school ends." Namine shot the arrow of another downer into me. This time in my back to match Olette arrow in my front.

"I'm not that good at lying." I'll let Kairi have that one as she can't even lie about not feeling well.

"I'm just passing out at the old haunted place in the woods for the night." Dirt, dust, and bugs.. ew.

"No thank you." Stumbling away from them to make a call to someone. "Hey."

"Hello, miss trouble." Just hearing his voice made me weak in the knees. "I hear really bad taste in music in the background. Don't tell me you're inviting me to a teeny bopper party again."

"Of course not. I need a ride home for once. My friends are ditching me for their reasons." I over heard someone voice over his phone telling him not to do it.

"If I have this memorize correctly you told me not to call you anymore." I should have known better he would be a jerk about this.

"You didn't, I called you in hopes I didn't have to stumble home." My toes curled up in a ball as my heart race a little faster as his phone went dead. "I'm standing where we first met at. I'll be here for a while if you don't show, don't worry about me." I wanted to throw up my phone after he hung up on me.

Calling him every curse word, insult I knew in my head as I gather up my stuff. My messager bag filled with his c.d. I haven't given back, leaving the bottle of Calico Jack rum there just in case I'm caught. Telling my friends not to worrying, _'I'm fine, as I'm half sober now, go hang out with Sora and Riku at the mansion.' _

After a short debt they finally left me alone, which is what I wanted until I saw the police making their rounds for bad kids out pass curfew. Which I'm very guilty off plus noticeable intoxicated.

Taking off my flip-flop in hopes I could sneak pass them. Yeah that was the most stupidest thing I thought of as I stumble right into a trash can.

"Stop right there." I didn't listen to that as I took off running. Right down the stairs, out through the main door and straight into someone warms embrace as that persons lips took over mine.

"I swear you're nothing but trouble." Lost in the moment from a kiss of a stranger until he said that.

"Axel?" his name pass through my lips like a whisper as my eyes flutter open some.

"I'm sorry, she out causing trouble for you guys but it was my fault. We had a fight over something stupid, and she took off running, hoping to catch the last train home." He kept me in his arms as he lied to the police. "When she start crying over me she never stop for some time. Sorry for causing you guys trouble, I'll be sure to get her home."

"Just make sure it doesn't happen again. If you were my daughter. I would make you consider getting another boyfriend closer to your own age, that treat you a little better." Words of wisdom from, Leon. Wisdom I don't feel like following today. As I walked beside Axel toward town, forgetting after midnight even the tunnel close down until morning.

"Guessing, your staying with me again." He kept his eyes on what's in front of us removing his arm that he had around me.

I should have known that was act back there. "Jerk." I spatted out as I stop walking.

"I thought after the thirteen break-up you get that part memoirs by now. I'm a jerk and you're a trouble maker for me." I was so angry I threw my flip-flop at his head. Both of them when he didn't even turn around to face me after the first one hit his huge fat ego size head. "You know if you don't keep your shoes on after midnight. I'm afraid you'll turn into a punkin. In your case a small one."

I wanted to punch him right in the nose, breaking it in hopes he would drown in his own blood. However when he brought my shoes over to me instead of a punch.. I kiss him. Shock me when he return one. Blew my mind once his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"Stay with me." He asked in between our short kisses as he guide me toward the ally where his apartment was at. When I didn't give him an answer, his wicked lying tongue battle against mine. I wanted to give in right there, but I'm stubborn so he's really going have to work for this.

He asked once more by whispering in my ear before places butterfly kisses on my neck. Oh sweet goddess give me strength to toy with him a little longer. "Stay." kiss "with." kiss "me." I still didn't say anything.

"Ow you bit me." I wish I knew if I loved him or just lusting after a twenty year old.

"Just making sure you didn't go into your zombie mode again on me." You space out on someone a few times and they never let you forget it.. ever. " Please stay with me." Resting his forehead against mine, asking one more time outside his door.

Lost in his electric green eyes, searching my heart for something. A feeling ,my heart beat change, anything that will tell me how I truly feel about this man. The very moment I start to move my lips, his apartment door was whip open. "Oh you brought the future high-class whore home with you again." Saix, the rudest person in town, love to insult me every time he see me. Kairi, once suggest he was behind most of our break ups or time off. Right now I'm starting to believe her.

"Leave her alone, dude. She'll be gone come morning." Axel push pass him pulling me inside with him.

"What didn't suck enough today for a train ticket out-of-town."

"I thought about yours but I hate trying to found a worm lost in a jungle." Glaring match before Axel broke it up before a war started.

"It's late. I'm tired. Night Saix." I was going to sleep on the couch but after my torture coming here plus Saix comment.

"Good-night, Saix, sleep well for the both of us." Blowing him a kiss before Axel close his bedroom door on him.

"You are a trouble maker."

"You wouldn't change anything about me." I knew he would only nod at that statement. "I'm less boring that way."

My mind was still over thinking what love really is, even if I'm wrapped in Axel's black sheets, enjoying all the pleasure he was giving me. Every touch, still didn't help me understand, every kiss didn't guide my thought toward my answer.

Slowly waking up, back in his bed again after our thirteen break up. I still find myself watching him sleep, his chest raising slowly up and down, his eyelid twisting some from the bright morning sun shinning in.

"Enjoying the view." Everytime I'm always caught. "You're thinking too much about this." From not thinking about this and ending up with him. To over thinking about it causing my eye to well up with tears.

He rolled over on me, wiping away some falling tears. I'm not crying because I'm regretting this very moment. The tears are falling because I can't figure out what love truly means. Trying to explain to him exactly what's going on in my head.

"Don't make fun of me since this gonna sound really stupid." Making complete eye contact as his warm hand caress my cheek. "What do think love is?"

I was waiting for him to burst out laughing at my stupid question. No what he did was.. well be himself. "Excuse me?" I blink at him for a bit once that cocky smirk appear. " Love is what happen if there something really special between two people. No I don't mean like if your best friend who's happen to be a guy. You can care about your friends but that's not what I'm talking about. Some believe love is like a step above just being friends. Which maybe true but that's not what we're talking about here." His smart mouth and belittling reply.

"Shut up, I know what love is but I don't think I really get it." I just don't get it not a single pieces of it. " I watch my parents and my friends. I see how they get along, act around each other, and how I see us. Everything gets very confuse."

He place small kisses on my forehead, cheek, lips, then my neck. "We're just complicated but we work."

"Do we really? We broke up thirteen times in eight months." His lips didn't attacking my neck as if he didn't really care what I had to say. "Would you care if I disappear?" HIs lips stop moving but never left my neck. "Would you miss me?"

He blew out an irritated sigh before making eye contact with me again. "Are you excusing me of being a heartless shell of a person again. Cuz, I really had it up to here with that." I knew I should have kept this to myself, never speaking a word to him about it. "Don't look away from me. I believe the answer you're looking for is right under your nose. But you're gonna have to take a chill pill to see it."

"Do you think it's that simple?" I glance over at him before looking away again.

"I don't know. I'm only twenty so it's not like I have all the answer about life but I'm pretty sure. No wait.. I know that I-" I quickly cover his mouth before he could say those words I don't understand just yet.

"You can not say it if you can't understand what we have." I'm sounding like a crazy person right now. "There's a different between love and lust plus trust. And I don't know which one were class under."

"O-kay. So by your logic I lust you." He's making this to difficult to make sense of anything right now.

"That's not what I mean, Axel, and you know it. Lust is not the same thing as love. Like it's not the same as trusting someone." Now I'm not making any sense anymore. Why does love have to confuse you?

"Roxas Fenrir Strife, I lust you with my whole heart and soul."

"I can't believe you just said that with a straight fac." Once those word pass through his soft lips I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

"Honestly, I believe love take a lifetime with that special person to figure out. Maybe the older you get the more you'll understand it." Wrapping his arm around more, trying to comfort me the best he could. "You're just seventeen so give it a few more years. I'll always be around waiting. Just don't rush it, kay?"

Mom always told me your first love is hard she also told me it's worst to give up on someone you care about. I don't want to let go of him. I'm scared if I do,Axel..won't be here anymore and I'm left with nothing.

He nuzzled his nose against my cheek, trying to keep me from over thinking. His messy red hair tickling my nose. "No more thinking. Love is something you feel in here." Placing his warm hand over where my heart is pounding away. "Do me a single favor. Close your eyes." I gave him a strange look at that request. "Trust me I won't do any S&M stuff to you. Promise."

I do trust him without any doubt but I still close my eyes slowly. Laying there in Axel arm as his another hand remain over my heart, feeling his hot breath on the nip of neck. "Ask your heart what it feel this is between us."

Never say 'you and me' no it's always 'us'. Listening to the stereo plays one of the many songs that remind me of him, losing myself in the rhythm of his breathing, to the pounding of my heart. Asking one simple question seconds later my eyes flatter open to his emerald eyes. "Are you sure lo-"

I couldn't finish my sentence as someone beam blade his apartment door. Saix confirm my fear once I heard his voice. "Your slut daughter in there."

I only ever thought about throwing myself off the clock tower once in my life. When mother nature curse me with Eve's monthly gift on my twelve birthday. And right now as my Dad kick in- no he couldn't knock or just open the door. Oh no he had to kick the door down, sword in hand.

Seeing his only daughter wrap in the love of her life bedsheet, nothing else. "What are doing! You could have knock!" stupid thing for me to yell, I know that now.

HIs mako blue eye shot every sharp object known to humanity at Axel as he told me. "Roxas, put your clothes on and go home to your mother."

Watching my father glare turn deathly I knew where this is going. "Daddy don't you dare kill him!"

Like always I was ignore him. "Axel, I warned you to stay away from my little girl."

Trying to stay between the two of them screaming at the top of my lungs. "Oh my god. I'm not a baby anymore." As my boyfriend gave me a kiss on the cheek before running for his life, out the window, down the fire escape with my Dad following right behind my butt naked boyfriend.

"I lust you, Roxas Strife." Hearing him scream those words the whole way up the street. Okay maybe just a little I hope my father would catch up to him after he yell that.

To add to my misery Saix had to lean in what remain of the door way, smirking ever so sinter at me. "I'll call the funeral home to make his arrangement. Maybe now this will teach you it doesn't pay to slut around."

The only cocky come back I had as I search for my clothes. "I hate you so much right now."

Twilight Town came alive earlier then normal with a fiery red-head running around exposing himself with a crazy blond guy with a huge sword chasing him all because I couldn't understand what love is. Maybe I still don't but I like to believe what my heart told me about us is love. Just a confusing complicated kind of it.

After getting dress, stealing of his favorite shirt to wear. I caught up with my friends. NOt wanting to go home after dealing with my dad plus a somewhat hung over.

"Roxas, care to explain why Axel was enjoy being all natural this morning?" I swear Hanyer see everything in this town before anyone else does. "Pence told me it's top news about a crazy couple having a spat. Some blond and red-head." I just slap my forehead causing myself more pain.

"People really suck in this town." was my only comment to that before filling them in on why my father was trying to murder Axel.

"So romantic! A forbidden love affair behind your parents backs. Give me all the detail from last night. Did he say it yet?" I wanted to tell Olette 'no he was an ass about it' but I can't be mad at him right now.

"No, I stop him before he said it cuz I freak out like an idiot." I still can't believe I stop him right when he was going to say it.

"You should just get a dog named it Lea or Axel and love that. At least you know it would know it would be less complicated than the real one." Namine advice would have work if I didn't already knew I love him.

"Someone in the love bubble." Kairi cheer as she nail it right on the head.

As Sora went nose to nose with me. "I don't see any bubble maybe there still a chance you can escape it and not love Axel."

I push my dorky friend away from me. "Not a chance!"

"I guess we finally lost her after the past few years of hearing her. I love him.. I love him not.. All those poor daisy." Riku just had to mock me too.

"Oh shut it, Riku." I can't believe I almost like him.. maybe it was a good thing Namine took him away from me.

Sitting there laughing with my friends, slowly understanding love isn't all about, marriage, having kids, nor is it all about getting flowers, having someone carry my shopping bags, or just being around. No it's more of if you have it you will know, no one can tell you other wise.

I just hope we'll make it through and not have the bottom fall out from underneath us again. If it does maybe one day we'll learn that we should have known better.

Checking my phone before going home reading Axel stupid texts. **"I heart shape you, Miss trouble." **Well he didn't say love in it and he's still alive after running all over town to save himself from a father wrath.

**A/n: My first ever Akurouk fic for their month. I hope it doesn't suck! And I hope everyone okay with a female Roxas since I been on a gender bend kick.**


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